


Be More Chill Couple Swap AU

by GalaxyGlow103



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Fanfiction, Gay, Gen, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, Personality Swap AU, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Harm, Swearing, Transphobia, cursing, implied self harm, swap au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-11 23:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19119985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyGlow103/pseuds/GalaxyGlow103
Summary: (An AU in which the main duos/pairings of the BMC fandom swap places. Swaps are Jeremy/Michael, Rich/Jake, Brooke/Chloe, Jenna/Christine)Michael Heere's life sucks. That's all there is to say, but when given a chance to change all that, is leaving everything he loved really going to be worth it?(Warning, this fic includes the following: swearing, homophobia, transphobia, abuse, manipulation, mention of underage drinking, one scene with a





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Hello, hi, this is awkward but uh...I'm posting this here. This whole AU is uh, really freakin' gay and sad but also soft and I just hope you enjoy. Idk where this came from but I've rewritten this three times already and the AU is over a year old. Idk how to introduce myself so I'm Galaxy and I love making a crap ton of BMC AUs like the one you are about to read.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet our protagonist, his family, his bully, and his love interest.

“Beep. Beep.” Michael rolled over in bed and smacked the alarm off. Did no good. It went off again. He smacked it off the counter and wrapped the cover around himself. He was not ready to go to school. Well, he was never ready, but that was usual.

“Michael. It's already six o’clock, you know school starts in about an hour.” He heard his mother speaking from across the door and forced his body up. She came into his room and looked at him and smiled. “You may also want to comb your hair.” 

“Okay-” Michael yawned before finishing his sentence, one thing he hated doing, “-mama.” He finished. He wiped his sleep filled eyes and pushed himself off the bed. “I'll be downstairs in a few m-minutes.” He mumbled and his mother nodded, closing the door and heading down to the kitchen.

Michael walked over to his mirror and stared at his bed-head in shock. It was nowhere near as bad as his mother made it out to be. He grabbed a comb and started pulling through the mess of curls and tangles as best he could, knowing they wouldn't come all the way out.

He proceeded to his closet to try and find a decent outfit, grabbing his red cardigan before anything else. He finally found a striped shirt and some regular blue jeans and put them on as fast as he could.

Brushing his teeth only took two minutes and once he got downstairs he was already tired.

“M-Mornin Mama….” He mumbled, laying his head on the kitchen table.

“Michael, head off the table.” His dad was also in the room, so Michael did as told and sat up. “Better.” His mother handed him a cup, which he knew immediately was coffee.

“Thanks Mama.”

“Only the best for my baby boy.” She kissed his forehead and he smiled. At least he had a good mother, he couldn't say that much about his father. “Also your father is gonna be driving you to school. The bus is running late and I don't want you to be late.”

“O-Okay Mama.” Michael really did not want to ride to school with his dad, but he had no choice. If he just didn't pay any attention to anything until he got to school, he'd be fine.

“Well we should leave now before mornin’ traffic jams our way. Michael get your shoes on.” His dad ordered and he nodded, grabbing his white converse and sliding them on.

“G'bye Mama. I'll see you this afternoon...oh also, J-Jeremy is gonna be comin’ o-over if that's o-okay.”

“Of course it is. You know I love Jeremy like he's my own.” Michael nodded at his mother's response.

“Well I don't, but I'm going to be gone all day so do what you want. Just don't let me come home and see you all over that tranny.” Michael turned red at the notion of even remotely being physically attentive to Jeremy, ignoring his father's blatant transphobia.

“Papa! H-He's my friend. You k-know I like Jenna.”

“Just get in the car.”

“Y-Yes Papa…” Michael grabbed his backpack and made his way to the car silently, not saying a word to his father on the way.

When he got to school he made his way in with shaky breaths. His dad mentioning Jeremy's gender really set him on ease for the day. He ignored his flushing cheeks as he tried to make his way to his locker. Fail. He walked into somebody, and kept his head down to avoid eye contact.

“I-I'm sorry I-”

“Oh it's the Gay-ass. Turn around.” Michael knew it was Jake and he wasn't going to try and cause a conflict so he did as told. Jake slammed him into a locker and began writing on his backpack. “You wash that off, you're dead.” Michael bit his lip and nodded, watching as Jake walked off.

Michael ran a hand over his probably going to bruise arm, trying to help the pain through pressure. It's gonna be one of those days. He just knew it. He made his way to class and stopped when he saw a poster on the wall. He walked over and realized it was a play sign up. He knew that would end badly, he was already saw as the school's official “gay boy” but this would make it so much worse.

He went to walk away but heard a voice from behind him.

“Excuse me, somebody wrote uh...boyf? On your backpack.” He turned around to see his crush, Jenna Canigula, standing there curiously with wide eyes staring at him with innocence. 

“Oh I uh...okay...thanks g-gotta g-go uh...bye.” He ran off and wiped his sweat away. This was just perfect. He'd never even talked to her and he just ruined any of his chances of getting to...not that he entirely minded...he didn't even really know her anyways.

He sighed and began walking to class, hoping he'd see the day's saving grace soon…

 

* * *

 

Michael sat down at his corner table in the cafeteria and didn't even want to get up for food. He instead just tapped his foot and waited for his best friend to show up. He looked up when seeing a familiar gray bag plop on the table.

“Hey.” Jeremy stuck his tongue out(he blep-) as he sat down and Michael already felt better. “So you look like shit. Cute shit, but shit none the less. What happened?”

“Jere, w-what is a boyf?” Michael asked and Jeremy turned his bag around and lined it up with his best friend's.

“Boyf...Riends...boyfriends...oh my God…”

“I'm NOT gay!” Michael sighed into Jeremy's chest violently and Jeremy pushed him off.

“Keep acting like that and people are gonna think you are.” Michael looked down and Jeremy could tell he was upset at the loss of contact. The shorter male grabbed the taller male's soft hand under the tables and smiled. “But if you were, you'd still be my best friend.”

“Thanks Jere…” Michael felt his face blushing before he remembered the letter he'd written that morning. “Oh yeah I uh..I wrote a letter for J-Jer-uh...Jenna this morning.” Jeremy listened attentively, not noticing Michael's slip up. “I may have burned it…”

“Oh well, at least you got your feelings on paper right?”

“Yeah...b-but I wanna get them out verbally.”

“Try practicing on me then.” Jeremy smiled softly and Michael nodded, his body stiff from the amount of anxiety filling him up.

“O-Okay…”

“Like, say it as if I'm Jenna.”

“Okay I...I can close my eyes right?” Jeremy nodded and Michael closed his eyes and took a breath. “I...I find you r-really charming in a cute, h-hyperactive, dorky way. You're a-adorable, absolutely adorable, and I-I can't get y-you outta my h-head...I just...really like you...a lot…” Michael opened his eyes, not realizing he was holding Jeremy's hands in his own for a few seconds. “Shit J-Jere that was...I am s-so sorry about that I…I don't like...like you like that y-you know. Y-You know that right?

“Hey it's okay, I know. We're best friends and I understand that.” Jeremy smiled gently and Michael felt a little reassured. Jeremy began rambling about something he saw on tv when Michael turned to see Jenna signing up for the play. Almost without realizing it, he stood up and started walking over there. He had to at least get Jenna to befriend him...at least...then his dad would leave him alone. “Mikey what are you doin?” 

“I'm g-gonna sign up for the play.”

“Oh. Okay.” Jeremy pulled a piece of paper out of his backpack and looked up at Michael, who was already halfway to the sign up sheet. He crumpled it up and threw it into a nearby trash can before hearing the word “gay” yelled at top volume by Jake. 

The majority of the juniors and sophomore flocked out of the cafeteria with laughter, but Michael hadn't moved. Jeremy stood up, grabbed his bag, and walked over to him.

“Michael?” He whispered in a soft tone, before realizing Michael was crying. 

“I-I'm not...I'm n-not g-gay I...I'm not…”

“Michael.”

“D-Don't h-hurt me please!” Michael covered his face and Jeremy gently grabbed his hands and removed them.

“Michael, breathe, it's Jeremy, it's just me. It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you.” Jeremy's voice was soft and gentle, and it was seeming to calm Michael down. “It's okay Micha, it's okay. C'mon, let's get you somewhere quiet.” He grabbed Michael's hand and led him to one of the cafeteria bathrooms, which only had three stalls, and locked the door to one. 

“I-I'm not...why does e-everybody think I'm...I'm not gay. I-I like J-Je-” Sobs finally wracked Michael's voice and breathing, which Jeremy immediately noticed.

“Michael, listen to me okay? I want you to just breathe. Can you do that?” Michael nodded and began breathing slowly. Jeremy helped regulate him with hand motions. They did this multiple times before Jeremy started again. “Good, now, I want you to list three things you see.”

“O-Okay...I see the t-toilet...I can s-see the sink o-outside the stall...and I-I see you…” Michael moved closer to Jeremy and leaned on him gently. 

“Great. Now, two things you feel.”

“I-I...I feel the floor...and I-I feel your hand on my s-shoulder.” Jeremy nodded.

“Now, what can you hear?”

“You…” Michael's voice was almost inaudible as he began nuzzling into Jeremy's hoodie. “T-Thanks Jeremy…”

“No problem Micha, it's in my job description as your best friend.”

“Y-You're my only friend…” Michael mumbled softly and Jeremy felt his heart tinge.

“Well...you're my only friend too. But hey, I always know you got my back, right?”

“Mhm...and I know t-that y-you're always there to h-help me…” Michael smiled and Jeremy smiled back, using his open hand to wipe away the tears left in Michael's eyes. 

“We better get to class. Or else people are gonna think we made out in here or something like that.” Jeremy helped Michael up and the two left the bathroom, heading to their fourth block classes together, when Michael remembered he'd be staying after for the play...why did he have to sign up?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Michael regrets his life decisions, and the author does as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Okay we're at chapter 2, this is gonna be an awkward mess of Michael stammering and being cute. That is all I have to say. Also the character now playing Mr. Reyes is just my interpretation of Play Squip. Take him and appreciate him)

Michael looked at the door to the auditorium and gulped. It was as if he was about to enter a hell of anxiety and references he didn't understand. 

“I-I can't do this Jere. I'm not cut o-out for theater…” He muttered, tryna walk away before Jeremy grabbed his sleeve and pushed him against the door lightly.

“Yes you can. It'll be okay I assure you.” Jeremy smiled and Michael nodded before going back to the door and pushing it open half aggressively. He almost tripped upon entering, but pulled himself up before he could do anything too humiliating.

He looked up and saw Jenna rushing around the stage, setting props up, so he assumed, and as he made his way down he actually did manage to trip and fall. Jenna saw him and immediately came over to help him.

“Are you alright?” She asked and he nodded as she helped him get to his feet. “Oh silly me, how'd this get over here?” She looked down and grabbed a prop beaker off the ground. “Must have dropped it on my way in. This is probably what you tripped on.”

“O-Oh. I guess I should h-have been looking w-where I was going.” Michael's face grew red from embarrassment and Jenna smiled at him.

“I dropped the beaker, it isn't your fault. C'mon, maybe you can help me set the rest of the props up.” Jenna began heading back to the stage, and Michael followed. “So is this your first rehearsal?”

“Y-Yeah I-I guess, I mean I've never r-really acted before...unless reading a-all the lines in an RPG out loud c-counts as acting.”

“Oh it totally doe- oh hey, can you grab that box for me?” She pointed to a wooden box of what appeared to be outfits for a Shakespeare play. “Careful though, that's the outfits I made for the play this year.”

“W-What play?”

“Only the best Shakespeare play...A Midsummer Night's Dream.” Jenna's eyes practically lit up as she sat one of her boxes down and danced over to Michael, grabbing one of the costumes and holding it up as if she was going to try it on. “I've been waiting for this day for my entire highschool career.”

“Oh, I've never h-heard of that play before. I only r-really know Romeo and Juliet. S-Sorry.” He sat the box down and she placed the outfit in it.

“Oh it's okay. A lot of people don't know much of Shakespeare. His greater works are the more obscure ones. It's such a shame not more people are interested in him.”

“W-Well this play sounds n-neat. What's it about?”

“Oh I don't want to spoil it, but it does have fae involved so things only end so well.”

“Oh, aren't those l-like mischievous fairies?”

“Mmhm. I'm curious, what made you sign up?” Michael didn't really know how to answer that. So he quickly fabricated a lie that he hoped could fool Jenna.

“I-I just wanted to b-broaden my horizon. That's all.”

“Oh. Well I'm kinda jealous. The first play rehearsal is always the best, because you've got zero clue what's in store but then you get the script and it's like everything is laid out in front of you. It's predictable. It's easy. You're in control of a life where you know what'll happen. Do you know what I mean?”

“It's k-kinda like a video game. Being i-in control of your life. I mean, you a-also die every time you don't know w-what's gonna happen b-but like...you know?”

“I mean I don't play video games.”

“So where's the rest of the c-cast?”

“I...don't kno-” Jenna was cut off by the door slamming open and the popular kids walking in. “There they are.”

“Finally! I was getting worried we weren't gonna have a cast.” The drama teacher, Shane Reyes, walked on to the stage, which Jenna led Michael off of. The two sat down in the front row seats, the popular kids sitting two rows behind them. “Anyways, you may call me Mr Reyes, or if you want to you can just not call me anything at all, I don't exactly mind. And you may know me from drama class, or from the Pinkberry in the mall. I work there as a part time job.”

“Oh yeah you served me last time!” Chloe Lohst, best friend to the hottest girl in school, Brooke Valentine, yelled from the audience with a wide smile on her face.

“Oh I remember that. Anyways, I was so thrilled to find out the school wanted me to put on Shakespeare's a Midsummer Night's Dream.”

I was right!” Jenna yelled, and Michael laughed slightly at her enthusiasm. It was charming.

“But sadly, due to the lack of money given to the drama program, that dream died. And had to be recreated...only deformed, mutated, and with zombies. It saddens me.” Jenna immediately went over and hugged her drama teacher.

“It saddens me too.” She mumbled, and an awkward silence filled the auditorium.

“Anyways, I'm going to go shove my face into a bucket of froyo because I am sad now.” Mr Reyes/Shane left the room, most of the popular students doing the same. Jenna was packing her bag up when Rich Dillinger walked over to her.

“Hey uh, you were in last year's play right?” Jenna looked at him and nodded. “Yeah you died.”

“Yeah. That's what happens when you play Juliet in Romeo and Juliet.”

“It was depressing. But uh, you were really good. I actually cried. Like actual tears. Which I don't normally do...I was really glad you weren't dead...before I got to know you.” Rich smiled and Jenna caught herself blushing. Michael watched with a tinge of sadness, which, surprisingly, wasn't for himself, but rather for Jenna. Michael knew how Rich was. He was a player. He'd be all flirtatious and sweet with a girl just to sleep with them. Then he'd leave. “Anyways, a bunch of the cast is headed out to the mall this Sunday and I was wonderin’ if you'd wanna come.”

“Oh okay! Here's my number so y-you can text me all the essential information.” Jenna wrote the number on a slip of paper and handed it to Rich.

“Thanks. Oh and as I'm leaving, parting is such sweet….uh...sorrow! Yeah that's the word. Anyways I gotta go now.” Rich snapped at Jenna before making his way out of the room.

Michael noticed how much she was swooning and walked over to her.

“Jenna you k-know he's a player right?” She turned around and blinked as if she hadn't heard him.

“Sorry Michael did...did you say something?”

“I-It's nothing…” Jenna nodded before packing her stuff up and left. He stood there and watched the door swing. That poor girl was going to be eaten alive. He suddenly felt a vibration in his pocket and took it out. It was Jeremy calling.

“So how was it?” He asked after Michael immediately picked up the call. He held the phone with his shoulder as he made his way out of the auditorium and to the bathroom.

“S-She likes Rich...but I mean why would she like me?” Michael mumbled and Jeremy could tell he was about to cry. He wanted to tell Michael why he liked him, why anybody should like him...but he felt it would be wrong to bring his own feelings into this

“I mean he is the most popular boy at school. Who doesn't like him? Other than us, although I'll admit he is attractive.”

“J-Jere, that is the gayest t-thing you've said all day.” Michael said softly, knowing it wouldn't piss Jeremy off since he was technically somewhat gay.

“Yeah...I will think of something gayer to say later. Anyways, I'm gonna get ready to come pick you up. Your place this weekend?”

“Mmhm.”

“Okay, I'll be there soon. Bye.”

“B-Bye.” Michael hung up the phone and sat it in his pocket. He then grabbed his bag and sat it on the sink so he could wash the BOYF off.

“You done talkin’ to your boyfriend?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jake decides to share some uh....interesting secrets about not only himself but a certain Japanese computer drug, and we also learn a few interesting little secrets about Michael and Jeremy both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And insert "it's from Japan" joke because this is The Squip Song chapter, which starts right where the last chapter left off, and it's short but hey it had to be seeing as one of the chapters is well over 3000 words)

“Oh J-Jake it's...you...and Jeremy isn't my b-boyfriend!” Michael rolled his eyes as he went back to trying to wash his bag. He didn't know why he felt a tinge of pain from that last sentence but that wasn't important.

“I thought I told you not to wash that off.” Jake grabbed the bag and Michael sighed, not even attempting to grab it. “Now I gotta rewrite it.” While he was distracted, Michael went over to the stalls and tried to hide in one but Jake grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. “Nope. You aren't a girl, you aren't hiding in the stall.”

“Oh...okay…” Michael internally scolded himself for being so weak.

“You know, lookin' at you right now, you look as pathetic as I did freshmen year.” 

“What's t-that supposed to mean?”

“Well, nobody recognizes me from then. Not even you.”

“But you didn't go h-here!” Jake laughed, letting Michael's arm go.

“Y'all wanna bet.” Jake's voice suddenly got a thick accent and Michael stared in shock. They lived in New Jersey! New Jersey!!

“What?”

“Yeah that's an accent everybody forgot and it's gonna stay that way. Look, I realize that we aren't too different. I was just like you at one point. No friends, no girl cared about me, and nobody wanted to talk to me. Also people thought I was gay too.”

“O-Oh uh...are you?”

“NO! I'm straight! I literally just mentioned girls in that sentence!”

“I-I was just asking b-because some people use a straight front s-so people won't find them o-out.”

“Well that isn't me. And I know it isn't you. You want Jenna right?”

“I- wait how did you-”

“It's a thing called a Squip.” Jake held a pill out and Michael went to grab it, but Jake pulled away. “It told me.”

“A...S-Squip?”

“Yep. It's a pill with a computer inside. It tells you how to behave to get what you want. And for you that is…?” Jake held his voice out and Michael sighed, knowing the real answer to that.

“...Jenna.”

“Exactly. And now, you can get her. You just gotta get one of these.”

“A-And how do I do that?” Michael asked, and Jake’s eyes seemed to glow bright orange for a second before returning to their usual hazel color.

“Just, on Monday, bring me 600. This guy at Payless is handin' em out for that much."

“W-Wait….Dollars??” 

“Yep. Bring me that and I’ll help change your life.” Jake put a hand on Michael’s shoulder, which sent a cold chill down the shorter male’s spine. “Promise you that.”

“O-Okay I-I’ll see what I can do.”

“Trust me, you won’t regret this. Oh uh...also sorry for treating you like literal garbage, my Squip told me to. It’s saying maybe now, you’d want one, which is why I’m telling you this.”

“Oh uh...okay…” Jake threw Michael his bag back before leaving the bathroom. “He...He d-didn’t even wash his hands... ew…” Michael muttered under his breath before heading back to clean off his backpack, still not completely erase the BOYF. “God I-I am n-never going to escape this lie am I? H-He isn’t my boyfriend...he doesn’t even like me that w-way….he...he doesn’t love you...God Michael y-you’re pathetic…” Michael slid to the floor and sighed harshly. He hated his emotions for cursing him this way. What he didn’t know was that he wasn’t alone at that moment. 

Outside the door, Jeremy had come to pick him up, quickly realizing where he was, and heard everything he’d just said. 

“B-But I do love you...more than you could know…” He whispered, ignoring the pain his heart felt knowing his feeling were at least somewhat reciprocated. He sighed, sucking up any tears he had and knocked on the bathroom door. From inside, Michael sat up quickly, grabbed his bag, sucked up his tears as best he could and walked over, opening the door slowly and feeling a tinge of pain but also happiness from seeing Jeremy. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah just...overwhelmed i-is all.” Michael wiped his eyes a bit and Jeremy wrapped an arm around him and smiled.

“I know what’ll get your mind off things.” Michael instantly knew Jeremy was referring to Seven-Eleven slushies and then some video games. 

“N-No doubt you do. You’ve k-known me for 12 years a-after all.” 12 years and Michael couldn’t even tell Jeremy the one thing he’d had on his mind for majority of that time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yes. Jake is southern in my headcanon, at least my original headcanon. He lived in Texas)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Michael and Jeremy play video games and are also blushy messes. Oh Michael is also a stuttering mess, but we knew that already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Fair warning, Michael's awful dad is in this chapter. This is gonna have...a lot of homophobic and transphobic things in it. Michael's dad is that bad.)

“Okay got the game set up. You ready to beat level nine?” Jeremy asked, plopping down on the beanbag next to Michael, who was currently trying to untangle a controller.

 

“Y-You know it.” He finally got the tangled out and the two started up their save file. “Hey Jere, I got something to t-tell you.” Michael spoke softer than he had been and Jeremy felt his face turn red. This was it, Jeremy thought, Michael was gonna tell him he loved him.

 

“Okay. Shoot.”

 

“So uh...while I was in the bathroom...Jake came in there a-and told me about this t-thing called a Squip. A super computerized pill is how h-he described it I believe. H-He said it talks to you inside y-your head.” Jeremy felt his heart stop for a moment at that. Not just because Michael didn't tell him he loved him, but because of the Squip…

 

“That's probably a scam Micha. Why would that even be real?” Jeremy laughed slightly, as if the Squip was a joke, but Michael could tell it was fake. He didn't say anything though.

 

“I-I mean I dunno, considering the kinds o-of crazy powerful w-weapons that exist, does this r-really seem all that mind blowing?” 

 

“You...do have a point.” Jeremy swallowed slightly, ignoring the growing lump in his throat just talking about this. “But why would you even need it?”

 

“To m-make myself cooler...and get Jenna to l-like me. Because let's face it, I-I am not cool. A-At all…” Michael's voice got quiet and Jeremy paused the game and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Michael, you're just like the Crystal Pepsi I ordered off of eBay that expired in 1996.”

 

“Y-You mean disgusting and u-unfit to be consumed?” 

 

“No, I meant you're better with age. I mean, you're already amazing anyways, at least I see that, right?” Michael felt his face heat up but smiled nonetheless. “Besides, even if you aren't cool now, wait til we get to college, we'll be cool then.”

 

“W-We will be?”

 

“You know it!” Jeremy played the game again and the two mindlessly mashed buttons while continuing to converse.

 

“But life i-is literally hell right now, how do you know that'll change? W-What if people still hate us...because I wouldn't be surprised.”

 

“Michael, I have a step-brother who's been to college, remember?” Michael nodded before Jeremy continued. “He said it was great, course he missed me and our parents but who wouldn't?”

 

“Y-Yeah…” The conversation faded out into an abundance of the two boys screaming at the game.

 

“Michael!” A voice boomed from downstairs. Neither boy hears it. “Michael Heere!” Still no response. Michael's door busted open and his dad was standing there.

 

“P-Papa! You're home e-early!” Michael squeaked, and Jeremy threw his hood up and hid in the large bean bag.

 

“Yes. What are you doing up here? And who's in here with you?” 

 

“Hi Mr. Heere…” Jeremy waved, not making eye contact with the terrible human who'd been raising his best friend, mostly in fear of the reaction he'd get. Truth be told, he was terrified of the possible reactions Mike Heere could give him, he had always hated Jeremy anyways.

 

“Oh. You're here. You two haven't done anything have you?”

 

“We've j-just been playing v-video games Papa.” Michael explained quickly, ignoring the sweat on his hands.

 

“Okay. Just keep it down, I can hear you from outside.”

 

“O-Okay Papa…” Michael whispered and his dad slammed the door. 

 

“Does he still not...ya know…”

 

“W-What?”

 

“Accept you and the fact you-”

 

“I like g-girls Jeremy...I know you're proud of your s-sexuality and I-I'm so proud of you, and you know that, b-but I'd like f-for you to accept t-that I'm straight.”

 

“Okay, sorry for pushing myself on you…”

 

“Hey don't apologize, y-you're just tryna help others find t-themselves like you did. That's really s-sweet.” The two stopped and turned when the door opened again. “Oh hey Mama.” Michael smiled upon seeing his mother, considering he was  _ much  _ more comfortable now than before.

 

“Hi Mrs. Heere.” Jeremy waved and Michael's mom smiled upon seeing him.

 

“Hi Jeremy, sorry for Mike, he's...being an impatient shit today. He got sick at work. I came up here to see if you boys wanted anything.”

 

“Oh. Well I-I don't really want anything, Jere?”

 

“You got any churros?”

 

“I believe so. I'll have to go check.” She smiled before leaving, and Jeremy could tell Michael had calmed down since his dad came in.

 

“So uh...back to the Squip. Are you actually gonna buy one?” Jeremy asked, and Michael thought over it before nodding.

 

“We're gonna check the Payless on S-Sunday. Jake said he got h-his there.”

 

“Okay...hey if this works...and you  _ do  _ get popular...are...are you gonna be too cool for m-....video games?” Jeremy asked, watching Michael's every move and registering every action.

 

“No way. You d-do remember you're my favorite person right? That means I-I'm a-also not gonna l-leave you.” Michael wrapped his arm around Jeremy and pulled him close(ignoring the fact they just got a game over). “B-But I can still dream...besides, nothing c-could possibly break us up. I-I need my Player 1.”

 

“Thanks Michael.” Jeremy said before yawning and realizing how tired he was. 

 

“I say y-you should stop for the night. You sound e-exhausted.” Jeremy nodded and stood up, popping his back before removing his hoodie. “Don't forget to remove y-your binder.”

 

“Oh right, I totally forgot.” He proceeded to pull his shirt off and finally got to the bottom layer, yanking it off as best he could and putting the shirt and hoodie back on. “There, that's a lot better.” Jeremy plopped back on the beanbag next to Michael and got comfortable enough to where he could sleep. 

 

Michael had positioned himself so the beanbag acted as a pillow for his entire back. He turned on the cable and just watched the TV in primarily boredom. After about 20 to 30 minutes, he felt something in his free hand and turned to see Jeremy had grabbed it in his sleep.

 

He pulled his hand away gently as to avoid Jeremy waking up. 

 

“S-Sorry Jeremy…” He whispered, hurting himself in the process of removing his hand. He eventually yawned and passed out himself, readjusting his body several times in his sleep.

 

“I found the churro-oh. They must've fallen asleep playing. I'll just-” Michael's mom turned the light off and turned the TV on low, knowing her son needed background noise to sleep. “G'night boys.” She closed the door gently and the two ended up somehow sleeping right next to each other by accident.

 

***

 

(The next morning)

 

“I'm just saying Maganda, that...thing is not a good influence on Michael!”

 

“I don't care that you think that! Michael has nobody else. Jeremy is his only friend and we both know that!”

 

Jeremy woke up early to the sound of yelling and sat up, crawling out of his sleeping position and making his way to Michael's bedroom door. He cracked it and saw Michael's parents’ door half open.

 

“Maganda that kid is a disease! He isn't fit for society. He isn't even a  _ he _ .”

 

“Jeremy is whatever he wants to be. What he feels comfortable being. And he is NOT a disease! He's just another human, hell, he's still a child, Mike.”

 

“The brat doesn't even know his own gender! And doesn't help he's gay-”

 

“Bi.”

 

“Gay. He's gay and he's going to turn our son gay. Why aren't you worried about this?”

 

“Because it doesn't matter. Michael would still be my son even if he  _ was  _ gay.”

 

“Well whatever. I just want you to know this is the  _ last  _ time that piece of shit is coming over here. I walked in last night and he was holding Michael's hand while sleeping next to him.”

 

“That decision isn't up to you Mike. It's up to Jeremy and Michael.”

 

“That little fa-”

 

“Don't. Don't you even  _ dare  _ call Jeremy what you were about to say or I will slap you into tomorrow. Next week even! Jeremy is a good kid and he's Michael's best friend and you need to realize he's one of the only people who can actually make Michael smile.” Maganda slammed the door and must have spotted Jeremy, because she turned pale realizing he'd heard that. “Jeremy I'm sorry you had to hear that.”

 

“...Do I r-really have to stop visiting?” Jeremy asked and Maganda shook her head before pulling him into a hug.

 

“Of course not, Mike doesn't get to decide what you do with your life. And as long as Michael lives here and under my house, you'll be allowed to visit.” Jeremy sniffled multiple times before falling into the hug. Maganda had always been like a mother to him so the comfort he found was extremely easy.

 

“Mama? W-What happene- Jeremy?” Michael pushed his body up to see the scene and he looked at his mother for answers. He saw it in her eyes immediately. “Was it Papa?” She nodded and he got up and walked over to Jeremy. “J-Jere, buddy, w-what'd he say?”

 

Jeremy turned around to see Michael and just hugged him as tight as possible, tears still falling down his freckle covered face and staining Michael's shirt.

 

“I-It's okay Jere, i-it's gonna be okay…” Michael whispered, running a hand through Jeremy's messy curls to calm him down. “H-Hey, hey, breath, it's okay, look at m-me, loo-l-look at me. It's okay. You're gonna be okay.” Jeremy looked at Michael, who wiped away his tears softly before holding him close, whispering to him anything that would cheer him up.

 

This weekend was going to be  _ long _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry I made you put up with Michael's dad. He's awful. We all hate him.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the super computer drug arrives.

It was Sunday, and the two boys were now at the mall, Michael with $600 in his hand and Jeremy with his hood up and anxious eyes. He did  _ not  _ want Michael getting a Squip. He did not want to just lose his best friend just like he had lost-

 

“I-I think that's the guy.” Michael cut off Jeremy's train of thought and pointed to a creepy looking man in the Payless Shoe Store.

 

“Micha, he looks shady.” Jeremy whispered but Michael made his way over to the man, hesitation in every motion.

 

“E-Excuse me, a-are you selling Squips?” Michael asked in a whisper, and the man's eyes seemed to glow for a minute before he grabbed a shoe box. “I-I'm sorry y-you must not b-”

 

“Oh no I am. It's in here.” He opened the box and the two boys stared at the tiny pill inside. There was an  _ entire  _ computer in that.

 

“T-That's a-” Michael was cut off from the box slamming shut.

 

“400. Then you can have it.” Weird, Jake had said $600, but it was cheaper so Michael wasn't complaining. He handed the man most of his money, shoving the remaining $200 into his pocket. He was handed the box and he held it tightly, ignoring the voices in the back of his head telling him this was a bad idea. “Just so we're clear, this is untested, probably illegal technology. I dunno what you'll do with it, or what it'll do with you.”

 

“W-Wait wha-”

 

“Take it with Mountain Dew, dunno why, but that activates it. Also, no refunds.” Michael nodded, making his way out, Jeremy trailing behind him.

 

***

 

“Okay, that's 400 for the Squip and a dollar for the Mountain Dew, you kinda owe me now.” Jeremy said as he sat down next to Michael, eating chili fries while Michael examined the Squip

 

“Y-Yeah. I'll pay y-you back I promise…” Thinking about it now, this had been a terrible idea. Jeremy was probably right and this was fake but it was too late now. “W-Well...here g-goes everything.” He plopped the pill into his mouth and took a drink of the Mountain Dew, not feeling anything.

 

“So, d-does it work?” Jeremy asked, hoping it didn't.

 

“I-I don't t-think it did. Just t-tasted like a mint.”

 

“Well that sucks.” Jeremy spoke with a handful of fries in his mouth, offering one to Michael. “Chili fry?”

 

“Nah...I-I just wanna sit here and feel like a naive idiot f-for believing Jake.” Michael put his head in his hands and sighed violently.

 

“You get five minutes.” Jeremy stood up and grabbed his backpack, which he practically carried everywhere, and put it on.

 

“Where a-are you going?” Michael asked, and his best friend began bouncing excitedly.

 

“So this dude at Spencer's Gifts has a thing of Orbitz! Ya know, that neat lava lamp soda stuff they discontinued, and it's one of the only soda flavors from the 90s I haven't tasted yet!”

 

“Y-You are going to poison yourself Jeremy. A-And when you do I'll c-cry.”

 

“Michael, it's been refrigerated for a while, can't be  _ that _ bad. Anyways, I'm gonna go get it, I'll be back here when I'm done.” Jeremy ran off and Michael watched as he made his way to one of the worst stores in the mall… then he saw Jenna and Rich walking near the food court. He had to go get her away from Rich before she got her heart broken.

 

He stood up and made his way over to them, ignoring the slight headache he was getting, probably from his anxiety.

 

“H-Hey Jenna.” He scolded himself for how quiet he'd been but she seemed to notice him and she smiled.

 

“Oh Michael! I didn't know you were here.” She seemed happy to see him, so that was something going for this friendship.

 

“Yeah you're practically invisible.” Rich muttered, and Michael looked down and began fiddling with his cardigan sleeves.

 

“Rich that was rude.” Jenna scolded, turning back to Michael, whose head was in such pain he didn't hear her apologize for Rich's poor behavior.

 

_ “Target female inaccessible.”  _ Where did that come from? And why the hell did it sound like Bob Marley? Michael held his head due to the pain and Jenna watched him in worry.

 

“Michael are-are you okay?”

 

“O-O-Oh yeah I'm fine. J-Just a headache. That's a-all.”

 

_ “Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”  _ With that, Michael felt as if his head was exploding and he fell to his arms and knees, biting his lip to avoid screaming.

 

“Michael?” Jenna asked a second time but he didn't hear her through the buzzing in his head and pain in his body.

 

“We need to get outta here, he's freakin' ballistic.” Rich grabbed Jenna's hand but she didn't walk away.

 

_ “Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.”  _ Michael felt the pain stop and sighed, looking up at a worried Jenna and dismissive Rich.

 

“You okay?”

 

“I'm uh...I-I think...the pain s-stopped so I-”

 

_ “Discomfort level may increase.”  _ Michael fell again before Jenna could help him up, and he could make out Rich dragging her away. Michael began screeching and the voice in his head became increasingly more loud.  _ “Accessing: muscle memory. Accessing: neural memory. Access procedure complete.”  _

 

Michael looked up and saw the red tinted, digital recreation of Bob Marley standing in front of him.

 

_ “Michael Heere. Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your Squip.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (and the Squip has arrived. This is the most abusive character in this fic and you'll see why, because if you thought the cano Squip was bad, oh boy.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Michael's Squip is a jerk and someone gets hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Lotsa manipulation in this one, also internalized and externalized homophobia, and misgendering as well. This is like...one of the worst chapters. Also the longest, it's over 3000 words)

 

Michael stared in shock. It worked. It actually worked. The Squip worked!! This was amazing!

 

“You uh...you look like Bob M-Marley.”

 

_ “Correct. That is my default mode. You may also set me for Elton John, George Michael, Little Mac.”  _ Michael turned red at the shirtless video game character that his Squip had turned into and just shook his head. It returned to its former appearance and Michael sighed, at least he wouldn't be blushing consistently now.  _ “So, I see you have a crush on a certain Jessica Mell.” _

 

“Y-You mean Jeremy?” Michael asked, and the Squip seemed to make a face of disgust, he couldn't entirely tell.

 

_ “No I meant and still mean Jessica Mell. Your best friend, am I right?” _

 

“B-But I like  _ Jeremy _ Me-” The Squip muted Michael's voice, freaking the teenager out immensely.

 

_ “It does not matter, she is not a reliable partner anyways. Jenna Canigula is who your father wants you to end up with, correct?”  _ Michael nodded and the Squip unmuted him.  _ “That is who you will be trying to access then.” _

 

“B-But I-” 

 

_ “Do not talk to me out loud, it looks as though you are having an animated conversation with yourself. That is not desirable. So don't so that.”  _ Michael nodded, already regretting this decision. He felt a tinge of pain on his wrists.

 

'Ow! What was….what?’ He pulled his sleeve up and saw red circuitry lines right where his blood vessels are. 'What's wrong with my blood!?’

 

_ “Relax. It was just a minor shock. You were starting to doubt me.”  _ The Squip's smile was very unnerving to look at, so Michael looked away, staring down at his wrist and sighing.  _ “It'll stop hurting eventually. Now stand up.”  _ Michael did so obediently, wiping dust off his pants.  _ “So, you also wish to be chill?” _

 

‘You mean cool?’

 

_ “No.”  _ Michael sighed again, ignoring the voices telling him he was in pain. He knew he was, but he didn't want to acknowledge it.  _ “First thing, your posture.”  _ Michael felt a jolt go up his spine and shivered before standing up straight.  _ “There.” _

 

'What was that?’

 

_ “Spinal stimulation. You were slouching. Now, to get you new clothes.”  _ The Squip directed Michael to a store he'd never been in before, and the Squip pointed to a jacket that almost looked like a Letterman jacket. He picked it up and looked over at the Squip.

 

'It looks too large for me.’ Michael thought and the Squip nodded.

 

“Mitchell?” He turned to see Brooke and Chloe walking over to him and he felt his body tense up.

 

“It's M-Michael, actually.” He ignored the shock from the Squip, probably due to the stutter, and felt his hands getting sweaty.

 

_ “Greet the beta.”  _ Michael blinked and the Squip shocked him again.  _ “Say hi to Chloe.”  _ Michael nodded, as if to say “oh OK, gotcha.”

 

“H-Hey Chloe.” 

 

“Hi.” The tone of voice she used made Michael sort of calmer. She seemed as anxious as he did. Her voice was soft and she was hiding in her oversized, baby blue cardigan.

 

_ “You look sexy.” _

 

'I can  _ not  _ say that to a girl.’

 

_ “Tell her she looks pretty. And don't smile while you do it.” _

 

‘'That seems...rude.’

 

_ “Just...here.”  _ Michael felt himself almost leave his body, and heard himself speaking without wanting to.

 

“So, you look pretty sexy today.” He cringed at his own voice saying that. He would  _ never  _ say that. Not even to the hottest person in the world.

 

“O-Oh! Thanks!” Chloe smiled sheepishly, her cheeks burning red. Brooke stepped in front of her and run her thumb against the jacket.

 

“You're really buying this jacket? It's so big I doubt you'll even fit into it.”

 

“W-Well I uh...Like-” Michael's voice was cut off and the Squip took over again. “I had a boyfriend who wore a jacket like this. But I realized boys just weren't my thing. That and he cheated on me.” Michael repulsed at the Squip's accusations but only he could feel it, the girls only saw this facade it was pulling.

 

“Oh my God that's awful. I'm sorry.” Chloe gently grabbed Michael's hand and caressed it with her thumb.

 

“Who was it?” Brooke asked, or, more like demanded. “Well?”

 

“Brooke he probably doesn't wanna talk about it.”

 

“It was Dustin Roché.” The Squip finally let Michael have his body back, to which the teen pulled away from Chloe's hand gently, shoving it into his cardigan pocket.

 

“Of course it was that man-whore. I've got to tell Christine later.” 

 

_ “Michael, Chloe is about to offer you a ride home. It is important you accept.”  _ Michael didn’t even hear the Squip, too busy with his conversation with Chloe to care.

 

“So uh Michael, do you have a ride home? If not, we could take you. My mom let me borrow the car.” Chloe offered, noticing that Brooke was wandering off, ranting into her phone(probably talking to Christine).

 

_ “I’d love to.” _

 

“Oh um...I’d love to go but uh… M-My friend Jeremy is gonna be t-taking me home. Sorry.” Michael could see the look of rejection in the poor girl's face as she went to walk away and grabbed her hand. “Maybe next time! If that's okay with y-you.”

 

“Of course! Also, I know how you feel, my ex cheated on me too.”

 

“Chloe!!” Brooke yelled, slapping her leg as if calling a lost dog.

 

“I gotta go. Bye Michael.” She ran off with Brooke and Michael sighed. He made his way back to the food court, hoping Jeremy was back by now.

 

_ “Jessi-Jeremy left the mall.”  _ The Squip spoke up, and Michael looked over at it and knew something was up. Jeremy would never just leave the mall without him. He knew better than to think he would.  _ “I checked the security footage. He left with that discontinued soda. Six bottles to be exact.” _

 

“O-Oh…” Michael let his response slip out of his mouth before realizing he was alone. He was alone in the mall and had no way home. He felt his chest tighten from the realization and he scanned around for a bathroom and ran as fast as possible inside, finding the first open stall and slamming the door shut.

 

‘Okay Michael, just do what Jeremy taught you. Just calm down, things will be fine. It'll be fine.’ He took deep breaths, gripping on to his shirt and waiting for the tears to fall. They never came. ‘Why can’t I cry?’

 

_ “I am preventing you from having a panic attack.” _

 

‘W-Well good job, I’m already having it.’ Michael’s thoughts began swarming as the tightening got worse. He felt as though he couldn’t breath, and his heartbeat was definitely increasing. ‘Can’t you just let me have the attack?’

 

_ “Of course I can, but I am not going to. It is not ideal. This is only to make you realize that if you’d went with Chloe, you would not be dealing with this. Obedience is required to achieve your goal.”  _ Michael looked at the Squip and froze to see its form had changed. It looked like Jeremy now. The tightening in Michael’s chest seemed to be so tight he was dying. He backed away from the holographic version of his best friend and the tears finally started falling.  _ “Relax Michael, it’s okay. It’s okay.”  _ Michael listened to the exact replica of his best friend’s voice, taking in every word as if Jeremy was saying it.  _ “You feelin’ better?” _

 

“Mmhm….” Michael whimpered, the pit in his stomach slowly fading as he rested on the arm of the Squip, believing it to be Jeremy.

 

_ “Now, I want you to repeat after me, can you do that?”  _ Michael nodded, and the Squip smiled before continuing.  _ “You are a terrible person. Go on, say it.”  _ Michael’s eyes widened, hearing Jeremy’s voice saying this made that pit come back, along with the tightening.  _ “Michael, you gotta say it or the attack is gonna come back.” _

 

“I-I...I am a t-terrible person…” Michael whimpered, and the Squip put a hand on the teen’s cheek, letting the pit fade from his stomach yet again. He took a breath and felt himself calm for a second. He wiped his eyes, not even noticing they were itching.

 

_ “Good, you’re doin good. Keep this up and you won’t have an attack ever again, okay?”  _ Michael nodded, the fake Jeremy smiled at him before continuing.  _ “I only want you to say two more things, okay?”  _ He nodded.  _ “You deserve to die, and you want to die.”  _ The tone of the Squip’s voice was very sweet, the same voice Jeremy used whenever Michael had an attack normally.  _ “Michael, you have to say it.”  _ The tightening came back, and Michael forced the words out of his lips slowly.

 

“I-I deserve t-to die...and I w-wanna die…” Tears were falling once more and the Squip seemed more satisfied as it released the tightening in Michael’s chest.

 

_ “Now then, for the final one. I know this one may take you a while to get out so I’ll let you take your time.”  _ Michael nodded as the fake Jeremy caressed his cheek again, the smile never fading.  _ “Being gay is disgusting and wrong. You are not gay, and you do not love Jeremy Mell.”  _ That did it. Michael felt his heart shatter as the tightening came back, worse than the previous times. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even think properly. His vision was getting blurry as the tightening seemed to restrict all air from his lungs.  _ “There there, it’s okay. It’s okay. Take your time. I’ll let you go when you let go. To achieve what you want, you have to let go of Jeremy.” _

 

“P-P-Please...s-s-stop….” Michael whispered, these were the only words Michael could whisper before the attack hit full force. He held his stomach and bit his lip, the tears filling his eyes so much he couldn’t see. It hurt. It hurt so much. He knew how to stop it, but he wasn’t going to. He wasn’t going to lie to himself. He knew he was terrible, and he did hate himself so much he wanted to die, but he could never lie about loving Jeremy. Jeremy was his everything. Jeremy was the only thing that kept him going, and he didn’t want to give him up

 

_ “Michael, I know this hurts you, but you have to say it. It’s the only way to free yourself. Now. Say it.” _

 

“N-No…” Michael felt a jolt go through his body, and he felt as though he was going to pass out. He could have passed out if the Squip hadn’t refused to let him do so. “I-I-I w-won’t s-say it. I-I won’t…” 

 

_ “Michael, I didn’t want to have to hurt you but if you aren’t going to obey me, I have no choice.”  _ The Squip snapped and Michael felt a shock go through his body. He couldn’t feel his limbs, he could hardly feel his chest, but he knew the pain was there, that tightening he got so often that he could probably recreate it.  _ “Michael, you are going to have to say it or you will pass out. I am here to help you, but I can’t help you if you won’t listen. Now, say it.”  _ The anger in the Squip’s voice, Jeremy’s voice, scared Michael, so he sighed, knowing the only way to save himself was to give in.

 

“...Being...b-being gay is wrong...and disgusting… I-I am n-not gay...I am not gay… and I-I-I do not l-love Jeremy Mell…” The moment the words escaped his lips, Michael felt the tightening release, and he could breath. The Squip smiled at him, gently kissing his forehead while still in the appearance of Jeremy.

 

_ “Good job Michael, I’m proud of you. Now let’s get you up and get you home, we have a big day tomorrow.”  _ It forced Michael’s legs up, guiding the exhausted teen out of the restrooms and to the exit of the mall, but not before doing something that would come back to hurt Michael harder than it expected.

 

* * *

 

“Michael I’m back!” Jeremy ran to the food court, looking around for his best friend. “Michael?” He asked, not seeing Michael. He sighed before spotting the red cardigan across the large room, running into a bathroom. He recognized Michael was having a panic attack and he went after him, to check up on him.

 

He stood by the bathroom door, listening to Michael mumble incoherent phrases, only one sticking out to him. 

 

“...Being...b-being gay is wrong...and disgusting… I-I am n-not gay...I am not gay… and I-I-I do not l-love Jeremy Mell…” Jeremy’s heart shattered. He stumbled away from the door and made his way away from the bathroom, ignoring how many people he bumped into as he felt his eyes well up with tears. He just heard Michael say he loved him that Friday… why would he say something like that? No, he wouldn’t just say that without a reason, but what reason would there be? Jeremy made his way out of the mall, wiping the tears out of his eyes every so often as he found his Volkswagon Beetle and got inside, sitting his backpack in the seat Michael typically sat in.

 

“Breathe Jeremiah, breathe, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay… you’re going to be okay. Just c-calm down, you aren’t gonna have a panic attack, you’re gonna be fine…” He wiped his curls out of his face as he finally started the car up. If he could just get home, he could sort out his thoughts without others seeing. 

 

* * *

 

Michael passed out on his bed, relieved to just be home. He forced his tired body and nuzzled into his pillow, breathing heavily and whimpering. The Squip hadn’t returned back to its initial appearance, and the uncanny Jeremy facade was really freaking Michael out.

 

“Hey, you j-j-just made me say I didn’t l-love Jeremy, shouldn’t y-you go back to being B-Bob Marl-ley?”

 

_ “Of course.”  _ It snapped its fingers and its appearance changed. It didn’t make Michael less uncomfortable but it did take the stress away a little bit.

 

“T-Thank you…” Michael closed his eyes and before he could go to sleep, he heard a knock at the door. “Hmm?”

 

“Michael, you got home late, I was starting to get worried.” His mom came over and could tell he was upset. “Oh what’s wrong honey?”

 

“J-Jeremy l-left the mall w-w-without me… I h-had to walk home, I-I almost had an attack and he wasn’t t-there and I know he w-wouldn’t do it to hurt me b-but I was s-s-so scared Mama…” Maganda held her son close, running a hand through his hair and gently bringing him tighter.

 

“It’s okay Michael, if he left, he had an important reason. You know he cares about you too much to leave. Now, why don’t you change into something more comfortable to sleep in, you look drained.”

 

“O-Okay Mama…” Michael smiled a bit when his mother gently kisses his forehead and smiled at him in a loving way. “I-I love you Mama.”

 

“I love you too Michael. Now you get some sleep, you got school tomorrow.” He nodded, waving at his mother as she closed the door behind her. He felt a shock and looked over at his Squip, knowing that’s where it came from.

 

‘Why’d you do that?’

 

_ “You stuttered in almost every word of those sentences. I have to break your habit somehow.” _

 

‘Just let me go to sleep...can you like, shut off for the night?’

 

_ “Of course.”  _ Michael felt the buzzing in his head vanish and he smiled. Peace. He changed into his pajamas before crawling into his bed and finally letting tears fall due to his own free will. He nuzzled into the pillow and sobbed as much as he could. Why did he get the Squip? Why did he do this to himself? He really was an idiot.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy slammed the front door to his house and kicked his shoes next to it, huffing harshly as he violently plopped himself on the couch.

 

“Private, you okay?” His dad asked, sitting down next to him and noticing the clear tear streaks on his face. “Did something happen?”

 

“Yeah something happened! I heard Michael talking to himself and he said being gay was wrong and disgusting, which I assume is his dad’s mental programming, but then he said he didn’t love me! Even though I know he does!” Jeremy’s anger quickly turned into sadness as he began crying again. “I-I know he does… I heard him s-say so yesterday…” 

 

“C’mere Jeremy.” Jeremy’s dad held his arms out and Jeremy pushed himself into it, hugging back as tightly as he could, letting the tears stream his face harder than they had been. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. How did he say it?”

 

“T-Through stutters and sobbing… it sounded like he was s-scared. But why would he be scared?”

 

“Well, with how his father is, I wouldn’t be surprised if the mental programming finally broke him.” Jeremy’s step-mom came into the living room and sat down on the other side of her son. “I’m sure it wasn’t what it sounded like. You know how anxiety puts voices in your head.”

 

“Yeah…” Jeremy sniffled, moving from hugging his father to hugging his mother. “Y-You’re right, Mom… you are the medical expert here…”

 

“Honey you know I’m just a nurse. But if I am the medical expert, then the medical expert is telling you that you should take your binder off before you hurt yourself.”

 

“O-Okay.”

 

“We can get you to bed after that, Private, you look like you need rest.” Jeremy nodded at his dad’s realizations, and forced his body up. He took his hoodie to the wash room and sat it above the hamper, knowing his parents would hand wash it as to not damage the patches. He then made his way to his bedroom and stripped his shirt and binder off, changing into pajamas and sitting his glasses on his bedside table. He crawled in bed, and in a few minutes, his parents came in to tell him good night.

 

“Jeremy.”

 

“Yeah Mom?”

 

“Try talking to Michael tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll figure out why he said that.”

 

“Okay Mom…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry for that.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Michael gets hurt even more, and Jenna rambles about a boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We are approaching the end of act 1 and the beginning of the most painful parts of the story)

Michael woke up and stretched his arms before realizing his alarm clock wasn't going off.

 

“Oh right...I d-didn’t set it.” He pushed his hair out of his face and sighed. Yesterday felt like a dream. He hardly remembered what all had happened but he didn’t care as he began scanning his closet for clothes. He picked out one of his favorite shirts but immediately felt a jolt just by touching it. Great, so yesterday did happen.

 

_“Since we didn’t get you anything nice yesterday, you can wear what you wore for school photos.”_ Michael rolled his eyes, finding the black, short sleeve, button up and cringing. He hated short sleeve clothing. _“Trust me, if you_ _wear nicer clothes, you’ll automatically be more attractive. Of course we’re going to have to work with your little...problem.”_

 

‘Problem?’

 

_ “Well, you aren’t exactly skinny.”  _

 

‘Yeah I know that. You don’t have to remind me.’ A shock. Michael sighed, pulling his tank top off and staring down at his wrists when he finally got to look at them. Little circuitry marks seemed to be burned into them, much deeper than any cut he ‘d caused himself.

 

_ “It’s a reminder to obey. Every time I shock you, another one of those marks will appear. They’ll fade over time, but they will never vanish completely.”  _ Michael nodded as he started putting the button up shirt on, going to grab his cardigan and feeling another shock.  _ “That thing makes you look uglier than you already are. It isn’t cold out, you won’t need a cardigan today anyways.” _

 

“Okay.” Michael mumbled below his breath, getting completely ready before realizing it was much earlier than he normally got ready. “Huh, guess I g-got time to myself.” He turned his TV on and decided he may as well play something to pass the time. That got him a shock so hard it shocked the TV’s power off. 

 

_ “No video games. You’re going to throw that thing out later.”  _ The teen huffed, forcing his body back up and looking in the mirror. His hair was a mess, but as little as he actually cared, the Squip took control of his arms, forcing him to fix it up in a way he normally wouldn’t, even managing to slick it back slightly.  _ “There. Now you should get to school early, you’ve got a big day ahead of you.”  _

 

Michael made his way downstairs, wanting to get the day over with as much as he’d been ready to get yesterday over with. His head was pounding already and his thoughts swarming, luckily that was a normal occurrence so he didn’t have to worry about a panic attack. He heard footsteps and turned to see his mother walking down the steps, her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, and a purple housecoat wrapped around her body.

 

“Michael, you’re up early. Did you sleep well?”

 

“I guess.” He watched as his mom began preparing his cup of coffee, immediately knowing that’s what she was doing. “Hey Mama?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Do uh...Do you ever hear a voice in your head that isn’t your own? Like, it’s the voice of somebody you know?” Michael asked, fiddling with his thumbs gently before feeling a shock and his hands rested.

 

“Sometimes I suppose. Why?” She asked and he shrugged, not really wanting to explain the Squip. “Is this about your attack yesterday?” Michael nodded and Maganda sat the coffee down and made her way over to him, hugging him gently. 

 

“I-I heard Jeremy’s voice...saying...God awful things to me… I know it wasn’t him but-”

 

“What are you two doing up already?” Michael’s body stiffened immediately from hearing his father’s voice. “Oh he’s crying. What upset him now?”

 

“Mike not now, he’s still upset over his panic attack yesterday.” Maganda snapped, before quickly attending to her son again. “You want me to take you to school this morning?” She whispered, and Michael nodded. “Okay.” 

 

The early morning went by slowly until Michael saw his mom come back into the room with actual clothes on rather than pajamas.

 

“Mike, I'm gonna take Michael to school this mornin’, okay?” Maganda said as she grabbed her keys and opened the door. She only got an annoyed grunt from her husband. “C'mon Michael.”

 

“Comin' Mama.” Michael got up, sitting his cup in the sink, and followed his mother out the door. Today was going to be a long day.

 

* * *

 

Michael walked into school, the Squip already forcing his posture up in a way that hurt his back worse than slouching ever did.

 

_ “Don’t complain. You’ll get used to it.”  _

 

“Michael!” The teen expected to hear his best friend yelling his name, but realized it was Jake, who had an eerily wide smile on his face. “You got the money?”

 

“I uh…”

 

_ “Up up down down left right A.”  _ Jake froze before shaking his head and putting a hand on Michael’s shoulder.

 

“You got one?” He asked enthusiastically, and Michael nodded. “That’s awesome!”

 

“S-Sorry for not goin' through you. I promise I meant to b-but I wanted to make sure the Squip was legit..ya know?” 

 

“I get it. Could’ve used the money, but I understand completely.” Michael was actually amazed that Jake was being nice to him. “You should come over some time, ya know, it gets lonely without my parents.”

 

“Oh, umm...Okay. I’ll try.” 

 

“Catch up with ya later.” Jake ran off to go talk to Rich, and Michael looked at the Squip in pure shock.

 

‘What was that?’

 

_ “I synced with Jake’s Squip. Now you have the same desires. Your desires.” _

 

‘So we’re friends?’

 

_ “Well, friendship is a bond between two people, your bond is just a digital one.”  _ The Squip began controlling Michael’s legs as it spoke, the teen ignoring the uneasy feeling settling in his stomach as he made his way to class. He glanced around the hallway, swearing he’d seen...no, he couldn’t think about him, but it was hard not to.

* * *

 

Jenna sat in the auditorium, waiting for the rest of the cast to arrive for rehearsal to start. She heard the door open, expecting either Michael or Rich, but instead it was just Brooke, Chloe, and Christine. Brooke sat down next to Jenna, an almost evil smile on her face.

 

“I was saving that seat.” Jenna said, but she was completely ignored.

 

“So, Christine Rolan told me she saw you with Rich Dillinger at the mall yesterday.” She began, and Jenna nodded, fiddling with the collar of her denim jacket and looking away from Brooke.

 

“Yeah… I uh, that’s who this seat is saved for...actually.” Jenna explained, cheeks flushing red as she thought about Rich.

 

“For Chrissy?” Chloe asked and Christine popped herself into the conversation.

 

“I’m right here!” She went to sit down but Jenna shook her head.

 

“Sorry, I meant it was saved for Rich.”

 

“O-Oh….Okay.” Christine backed away, looking over at Chloe, and the two had a mutual understanding that this conversation was going to end badly.

 

“He isn’t coming.” Brooke spoke coldly, and Jenna’s eyes widened.

 

“Did something happen? Is he sick?” The concern and obliviousness in her tone was evident enough that it almost made Brooke scoff.

 

“No he’s, probably at Model UN, or archery, or something. He loves doing different extra curricular, he never stays with one thing, gets bored too easily.” Brooke’s words sounded less like she was talking about after school activities, and more so about Rich’s “sleeping” habit.

 

“We’re just friends. If that’s w-what this is about. I don’t know him that well, but I know you guys used to date…”

 

“Oh my God no! Me and Rich are so done.”

 

“Yeah he’s really gross.” Chloe mumbled, and Brooke stared at her with wide eyes before turning back to Jenna.

 

“Anyway, I would hate to make you think that he isn’t here because he doesn’t care about you. Bye.” Brooke stood up, her heels clicking away as she moved to a different seat. Christine followed behind her, but Chloe stayed behind.

 

“I’m sorry about Brooke, she’s...really jealo-”

 

“CHLOE!”

 

“C-Coming!” Chloe ran over to where Brooke and Christine were, which was currently rehearsing their parts. The door opened a second time, and Michael walked in, making his way down to where Jenna was.

 

“Hey Jenna.” He smiled and she felt a little better.

 

“Hey Michael.”

 

“This seat taken?” He pointed to the seat Brooke had been in previously, and Jenna’s smile fell. “Jenna?”

 

“I dunno.” 

 

_ “Why don’t I sit here until whoever shows up?”  _ The Squip put its hand on Michael’s shoulder, prompting him to ask that.

 

“W-Why don’t I sit here until whoever you’re waitin’ for shows up?” He felt bad asking, he could tell she was really hoping “whoever” would show up.

 

“Sure.” He took his seat and the two didn’t say anything for a few moments. Michael didn’t want to talk, not because he didn’t like her but because his mind was on other things. “Hey are… were you okay yesterday? At the mall, you were acting weird.”

 

“I-It was a panic attack. T-The start of it anyways…” Michael felt a jolt.

 

_ “I told you to tell her it was performance art.” _

 

‘If she’s going to end up my girlfriend, I may as well be honest.’

 

_ “Girls don’t want weak guys, Michael.”  _ Michael ignored the Squip, noticing that Jenna had put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, I would’ve stayed and helped but..”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“Hey can I uh...ask you something?” Jenna asked softly and Michael nodded. “So, I know you may not get this but uh, say you know this boy..err..person, and you’ve known him for a long time. And say they change, you don’t know what exactly but they change, and...that change makes your heart flutter, like it’s a feeling you haven’t felt before. Like you’ve fallen in love. Is that...is that weird?” 

 

“Not at all.” Michael didn’t say it, but he understood everything she was saying. He understood so much, he felt his heart beating faster.

 

_ “Relax Michael. I think she’s talking about you.” _

 

“I know it’s crazy, I mean, this is kinda the first time I’ve ever related to a person, ya know?” He nodded and Jenna’s cheeks were a light red. “I uh...I didn’t think I’d be in love with them..”

 

“Who is it?” 

 

“...It’s uh...it’s Rich.” Jenna as smiling now and Michael felt his heart sink. This poor girl was going to be heartbroken. 

 

“Oh uh...that’s...good. Excuse me I gotta go to the bathroom real quick.” Michael stood up and ran off, the blaring in his head killing him as he landed in front of the lockers beside the auditorium, sighing as he looked over at the Squip. 

 

_ “She likes Rich. I should have realized she wouldn’t be able to like somebody like you, especially with how distracted you’ve been this whole time. Are you even listening to me?”  _

 

‘No not really.’

 

_ “We’re going to have to upgrade.” _


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chloe and Michael talk, the Squip is a manipulative jerk, and somebody's heart gets broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter hurts, and it's a great way to end the first act of this fic.)

 

“W-What?” Michael asked and the Squip snapped, and Michael felt his body tensing up as it had the day prior. He looked at the Squip in horror, wondering what he’d done to deserve an attack already in the day. 

 

_ “Just wait. This will have a favorable outcome.”  _ Michael didn’t know how that would be possible, his attacks never had favorable outcomes unless-

 

“Michael!” He looked up from where he was sitting to see a worried Chloe rushing over to him. “I-I saw you run out of the auditorium and I got worried so I-I decided to come check on you.” She got on her knees and noticed Michael was crying, even if it was against his control, and she wiped the tears away. “Hey, look at me, what’s-what’s wrong?”

 

“I-I d-dunno….I-I guess I-I just have a l-lot on my mind.” Michael felt the grip in his chest tighten, not as bad as it had the day before, but it was still there. 

 

“Here.” Chloe pulled a yellow handkerchief out of her small purse and handed it to Michael, who used it to wipe his eyes and nose. “Keep it, I have plenty.” 

 

“T-Thanks Chloe..” She helped him up and he could tell she had something on her mind. He didn’t ask what, but he definitely could tell she was preoccupied.

 

_ “You need to get popular for Jenna to like you. Chloe is a popular girl who clearly likes you, if you get together with her, you can make Jenna jealous. She will eventually realize Rich is nothing more than a player, and then, she’ll be yours. Now, I’d listen to what Chloe has to say to you.” _

 

“Michael, I uh...can I talk to you, somewhere less open? It’s really important and I wanted to tell you yesterday but Brooke dragged me away from you.” Chloe was very timid when saying this. Michael just blinked before nodding slowly. She took his hand and led him towards a door that led to a small area behind the school. She sat down on a bench and patted the space next to her, expecting him to sit.

 

_ “Well? Sit next to her.”  _ Michael didn’t move, he didn’t really know what was happening. The Squip led his legs to the bench and forced him down on it. 

 

“So Michael...I um...wanted to thank you again for your compliments yesterday, I’ve...never really been complimented that way before.” Chloe was fiddling with her blue cardigan as she spoke, avoiding eye contact with Michael.

 

“Oh well...you’re uh...welcome Chloe.” Michael ignored the shock sent through his body, which was hard considering how violent it had been. 

 

“I just wanted to tell you I see a future for us...I dunno what exactly but, something more than what we are. It’s what we could be. I can see us together, just us...can you see it?”

 

“I…”

 

_ “Yes.” _

 

“Yes.”

 

“Wait, really!?” Chloe’s face seemed to light up with happiness and Michael nodded, although he didn’t believe a single thing he was doing. “Oh my God I didn’t expect you to...I’m gonna do something crazy!” Chloe grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss he had  _ not  _ expected. She pulled away quickly, hiding her blushing face and standing up. “I’m g-gonna go...get my things...maybe I can drive you home afterwards.”

 

_ “Okay.” _

 

“Okay, sounds good…” A knot formed in Michael’s stomach but he shook it off. It was nothing. Nothing important, anyways. He heard voices from inside the school and recognized one as Jenna. "I...I have to do something real quick. I'll meet you at y-your car once you get your things."

 

"Alrighty." She kissed his cheek softly and walked away towards her car. God he didn't wanna tell her he was- no, no he wasn't. He wasn't.

 

He made his way towards the school and looked in through a window to see Jenna and Rich.

 

"Are you gonna say hello?" Rich asked and Jenna rolled her eyes.

 

"I was during...play rehearsal. But you didn't show up."

 

"I was going to I just… Had to tell the archery coach I quit. I was gonna come I promise. I'm sorry I didn't."

 

"It's okay." Jenna began walking off and Rich grabbed her hand.

 

"It's not though. I've never committed to anything before and I wanted this to be different. I wanted to be different with you." 

 

"I don't understand."

 

"Everybody sees me as a player but...I wanna change that. I'm tired of being this school's token bisexual player. I wanna be a person to them."

 

"I...I had no idea. I thought maybe I'd driven you away with how weird I am. Wouldn't be the first time I'd been ignored."

 

"Well, maybe it can be the last." Rich held her hands in his and the two stared at each other with crimson toned cheeks. Michael was still watching, not knowing if he should intervene or not.

 

_ "Don't. It's optimal you just go back to Chloe. She likes you, and being with her will up your status, making you as attractive to Jenna as Rich is."  _

 

'Can you just...shut off please? I need a minute to process all that's happened.' Michael made his way inside the school after Jenna and Rich left, laying against a wall and sighing.

 

_ "Of course."  _ The buzzing left, and Michael ran a hand through his hair. This was insane. What he was doing was insane. He wiped away some of his forming tears when a familiar shade of blue passed his peripheral vision.

 

"Jeremy?" He forced himself up, running over to his best friend and hugging him. "Jeremy oh my God where...where have you been?" Jeremy pulled his headphones off and looked at Michael in almost hatred. "J-Jere?"

 

"You really like messing with me don't you? You act like you didn't ignore me all day."

 

"What? No I haven't seen you at all since I...since I took the...gimme a second." 'Reactivate.'

 

_ "Yes?"  _ The Squip smiled as it appeared, looking like Jeremy yet again.

 

'Why haven't I seen Jeremy since taking you?-'

 

_ "It's referred to as Optic Nerve Blocking. I have access to your optic nerves and have been blocking Jeremy from your vision." _

 

"Michael? Bud, you okay? You're staring all creepy at nothing." Jeremy asked, walking closer to Michael and grabbing his hand. "Is something wrong?" 

 

_ "Michael, remember what I said about listening and obedience."  _ Michael pulled back from Jeremy and tears began falling down his face full force. He fell to the floor and curled into a ball. It was a pain worse than the previous day.

 

"Michael holy shit, okay, okay calm down. It's okay, it's okay, breathe. Breathe okay?" Jeremy spoke softly as he put a hand on Michael's back, holding him up. "Just calm down okay? What's wrong?"

 

"T-The Squip…i-it w-worked…" Michael whimpered and Jeremy's eyes widened.

 

"Guess you didn't waste your money right?" Michael just nodded, not wanting to burden Jeremy. He looked at Jeremy and felt his face heating up. He looked so beautiful in the sunlight shining through the window, the way the light reflected off those long brown curls that Michael wanted to run his hand through.

 

A shock. He forgot the Squip was on.

 

_ "I see that your infatuation with your friend is going to be a...kink in our plan." _

 

'Shut up…' 

 

_ "No. I have an idea that can satisfy your cravings." _

 

'C-Cravings?'

 

_ "You are infatuated with Jeremy are you not?" _

 

'Yeah but not in a l-lustful way or anything...I just love him.'

 

_ "Well you can't be with him either way. He's holding you back and it'll be a risk to your family life and safety. I have a way you can get affection from Jeremy and still come off as straight."  _ Michael didn't reply. He just listened in fear of the Squip's little plan.  _ "I will permanently take his form and provide you with physical affection. You can be with Jenna but also obtain the affection you want. This way your father won't hurt you. All you have to do is block Jeremy from your vision." _

 

Michael didn't reply, he just looked back at Jeremy, realizing his soft, freckle covered hand was wiping away his tears and now softly cupping his cheek.

 

"Michael you still look upset. You..you okay?"

 

"Jeremy...I...I'm sorry…" Michael whispered softly.

 

"Wait, sorry for what?" 

 

"For what I'm about to do…" Michael took a breath, putting his hand on Jeremy's cheek and closing his eyes. "O-Optic nerve blocking...o-o-on…" When he opened his eyes, Jeremy was gone, replaced with the Squip in his form.

 

_ "Good. Now we can get to work." _


End file.
